7 Ways to Prepare Your Wife for Sexual Intimacy
By Gabriel & Ebony Warren
Husband, here are seven ways to prepare your wife for sexual intimacy. As you know, a husband very rarely has a problem being prepared for, and feeling up to making love with his wife (unless there are some other issues going on). Even when he isn't thinking about it, if she pursues him, he has no problem welcoming her advances. He seems to always be ready to push any and everything aside to get an opportunity to share this part of himself with his beautiful wife. A husband that desires to give himself to his wife in this way is a wonderful thing. The issue is that most wives aren't wired that way. They are not always ready to go there at the drop of a dime. Wives can't get to that point as quickly as their husbands can, unless the wives have been prepared for it (and that preparation must sometimes happen over time). A husband must then find out how to prepare his wife to experience the beauty of sexual intimacy. Take these seven things into consideration the next time you want to pursue your wife sexually.
1. Pray for her desire and yours. Nothing should be off-limits for prayer. It’s okay to talk to God about your wife and your sex life together. Pray that God will help your sexual desires meet each other. Now, that may mean that sometimes her sex drive will need to meet yours and other times yours may have to meet hers, but it also may mean that you will sometimes have to be patient and loving when she just isn’t there. Sexual intimacy is a very important part of marriage, and it’s vital to take this to God in prayer. Prayer won’t just help her to meet your drive, but it will also help your heart to be in the right place when it seems like she just doesn’t want to. Pray always.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6, 7 NLT).
2. Cover her insecurities. There are times when your wife needs to be encouraged, because there are things she may feel self-conscious about. Help your wife prepare for sexual intimacy by being aware of any insecurities she may have, and make it a point to naturally reinforce her worth and value. If she's feeling insecure about the way she looks or about her weight, encourage her in those areas. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (I Thessalonians 5:11 ESV). That may mean you genuinely compliment her with or without makeup. You may need to be sure she has clothes that complement her size. Tell her how attractive she is to you. If she struggles with comparing herself to other women, express to her how honored, satisfied and happy you are to have her as your wife. Also, be sure you're not enabling her insecurity by comparing her to other women. Some wives don't look forward to and won't prepare for sexual intimacy, because they don't feel good enough, pretty enough, or sexy enough for you. Remind your wife that she is fearfully and wonderfully made by the only God who never makes mistakes, and that means she is and has everything you need in a woman.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well” (Psalm 139: 13, 14 ESV).
3. Pursue her for more than sex. A wife doesn't want to feel used, so it's important for you to pursue your wife for things that are not related to sex. Find out what things interest her. What are her likes and dislikes? What does she like to do when you’re not around? Does she want to go back to school or start her own business? What does she dream about? Finding out the answers to these questions and others like them, will only come when you pursue her. This kind of pursuit makes her feel more wanted and loved as a person. This will help her to welcome your advances when you want her sexually. When she has experienced your pursuit in other areas, she will be much more prepared and open to you sexually, because she knows that you're not just interested in her body, but you're always interested in her as a person.
“An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 18:15 ESV).
4. Engage her in foreplay. Because men are visual by nature, when a husband first sees his wife after work, he could be immediately aroused and ready to go full speed ahead into the bedroom. Most wives just aren't wired that way. After a long day with the kids or at work, they are still thinking about what needs to be done next, before everyone goes to bed. Therefore, for a husband it's important to take your wife there, before actually going there. Before leaving her in the morning, express your love to her by hugging, kissing, rubbing her shoulders or back and letting her know that you can't wait to see her that evening. Even put a note on the bathroom mirror, in her purse, or on her steering wheel telling her that you’ll be thinking about her all day. She wants to know that she's loved. Also be sure to send her inviting text messages that tell her how much you miss her and look forward to spending quality time with her. Give her a call during the day and say some sweet things to her. Give her compliments on how she looked that morning, tell her some things you love about her, express how satisfied you are with her and how much you love making love with her. When you both get home be sure to touch her in gentle ways that make her feel precious, beautiful, loved and wanted; and be sure to continue saying sweet things to her. Let her hear your voice. When the time is right, take your time. A wife can always tell when her husband isn’t being a servant-lover, but rushing or going through the motions to get himself to that place. Be intentional about your touches. She can tell when it's about her, versus when it's all about getting past her moment to get to you.
"Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon" (Song of Solomon ESV).
5. Help her. Be an understanding husband and think of ways you can make her load easier. Surprise her. Pick up dinner that evening. If it's a weekend, take the initiative to schedule a babysitter to watch the kids, so she doesn't have to worry about it. If she's cooking dinner, help the kids with homework or just spend quality time with them. It's a turn on for your wife when she sees you interact with your children in healthy ways. You can also just be her junior chef by helping her cook dinner. She'll know and feel like you really care, plus this gives you a chance to flirt with her in the kitchen. If she’s already done with dinner, jump on the opportunity to do the dishes and clean the kitchen. Let her feel your love and support by rolling up your sleeves, and getting your hands dirty. Also, help her unwind. Rub her shoulders, her back, her hand and arms, all while asking her about her day.
"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (I Peter 3:7 ESV).
6. Take Your Time. When you've reach that place where she is ready to receive all the love you have to give to her, don't rush through it. Be intentional about your touches. Let her know you’ve been paying attention to what she likes, and taking note of what she doesn't. Your wife is more interested in the intimate experience rather than just the outcome. Leave her with expectancy, and make her excited about the next time. That's when she will begin pursuing you, and that’s what you want her to do.
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant" (I Corinthians 13:4 ESV)
7. Be a Servant-Lover. Don't let your wife ever feel like sexual intimacy is all about what you can get from her, but what you want to give to her—the most intimate part of you that’s reserved for only her. Be sure she is confident in the fact that when you come together, your ultimate goal is to honor God, and to love, respect, and please her. She wants to know that you want and need her sexually, but she doesn't want to feel like you ONLY want her to quench YOUR thirst, but you never seek to quench hers.
"Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them" (Colossians 3:19 ESV).
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